Am I alone? Does anyone read my blog at all? The most page views I have ever had was 18! Two of those were other people, the rest was me.
Am I alone? Are there really other people? Is everyone I know a hologram? A robot? Figments of my imagination?
Am I alone? Am I the different one? Am I real? Am I not human? Am I something else entirely and I just don't know it?
Is this real? Am I in a simulation? Am I a video game character? Am I giving out information to spies with what I think is a language? Will all of this vanish when I die? Will I just wake up? Do I know I haven't been given false memories and I was always this age? If I have false memories, my parents might not be my parents! Everyone around me could be lying! I could have died and doctors gave me some "second chance" on a computer! I might be dying right now and I was given a look back through my life before then! It would explain why my fingers are cold all the time, why I have deja vu all the time.
Huh, existentialism. Such a funny and nonsensical and trivial thing.
But I still ask you, How Can I Tell?
Are You Out There?
Is this all you are doing, Ahna? Talking to yourself? Sharing things that are on your mind?
ReplyDeleteHi Ahna its Ayns. I must say, we have very simaler minds. Most days I sit and wonder my existence, how I came to be, if this is all a book and I am just a character.
ReplyDeleteYou're not alone. I read your blog whenever you post something new, and I love every piece of writing here. So sorry that I haven't been commenting. Your writing is very beautiful and I can often relate to what you are saying, especially in the piece above. I feel the exact same way sometimes and it freaks me out but is very interesting to think about.
ReplyDeleteYes, I am out here! And like Zoe, I always read, but don't always comment.
ReplyDeleteI remember when I was your age and I used to think: "What if I'm a character in someone else's dream?" I used to think about God a lot too, and wonder if I was just a character in the mind of God......
Oh, and existentialism is indeed rather funny and nonsensical, but it definitely is not trivial. There have been many existential philosophers who have pondered exactly these questions, and written many books. Maybe you will get to study about them in college some day.
(It's Brenda, not Julia) You have a lot to give through your writing, Ahana. You write things that other people only dare to think. Writing makes the thoughts real and at times that can be a scary thing for some people. To put your thoughts down and let other people read them is a very brave things to do. And you do it so beautifully.
ReplyDeleteI remember wondering if I had already lived my life and was now giving a recap of it from a narrator's perspective. Movies like The Truman Show and Conspiracy Theory always sit a bit sideways for me because they conjure up that question of reality.
ReplyDeleteAhna, there is a place -- a college -- here in the U.S. that is all about questions like these, and full of students who love to ask them together, and push each other to give answers that are honest and difficult and open-ended rather than quick or easy. That school is full of people who adore words, books, ideas -- and also music and games and dancing and croquet and goofiness and food. It's a wonderful place. I got to live there for four years, some of the happiest possible years... years when I realized that my mind and my Self weren't as weird as I always thought. When it comes time to think about college, look up St. John's College. (There are actually two campuses, one in Annapolis MD and one in Santa Fe NM. They follow the same program.) Your writing and thinking reminds me of this magical place. You might love it. And no, you are decidedly not alone. Warmly, A Fellow Traveler and Thinker
ReplyDeleteLaurie Anderson's recent musings about the bardo and the purpose of other minds would go well here. LA, "Heart of a Dog"
ReplyDeleteLaurie Anderson's recent musings about the bardo and the purpose of other minds would go well here. LA, "Heart of a Dog"
ReplyDeleteYou are alive, you are amazing, thank you for sharing YOU with this world.
ReplyDeleteOne of the many things I love about this piece of writing is the rhythm, Ahna. Excellent work. <3
ReplyDeleteThe only thing standing between you and a huge readership is learning how to market your blog. Half of what I do as a professional artist involves marketing, so let's chat about it soon. Xo
-Liese
One of the many things I love about this piece of writing is the rhythm, Ahna. Excellent work. <3
ReplyDeleteThe only thing standing between you and a huge readership is learning how to market your blog. Half of what I do as a professional artist involves marketing, so let's chat about it soon. Xo
-Liese
Some would say there is only you as there is only the one, i.e. "Universe". One verse, one sound, one vibration that resonates, emanates, permeates, penetrates, reverberates. I could go on. You are never alone as there is always you. There is only the allusion of aloneness, loneliness. These facets of you that you call friends, family, acquaintances can seem to be aloof making one feel alone. However, it is all you. And you are divine, perfect, and by this blog post, seemingly aware.
ReplyDeleteI too was thirteen once. Interestingly enough, I too had similar questions. Now I am fifty five. And interestingly enough, I still sometimes ponder these same questions.